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Enjoy and do leave a comment at my tagboard(when its up)! xx Rachel
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Monday, January 31, 2011 @ 12:05 AM
i dont want your love.
I dont want your love,
if youre doing it out of chore. I dont want your love, if youre looking for something in return. I dont want your love, if your motive is to feel good about yourself. and I dont want your love, if you think you've got it all. Yes, i may Need that love. but hell im stubborn, and i dont Want it. xx Rachel |
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Monday, January 17, 2011 @ 11:39 PM
Stuck
My knees were shaking.
Mustered all the courage i had and walked into the room. I've thought of the words, but it got stuck somewhere between my mind and throat. I walked past them into the washroom instead. As i redundantly washed my hands, i hear them talking in the background. 'come on rachel. do this. you need to do this.' i tell myself As cowardly as i am, i walk right out. oh how useless i am. Tried to watch a little youtube, call up the boyfriend, and such. But Boy do i feel a strong ringing in my head. I've waited and dragged this mess too long. Day after Day. In and out. Still no progress. Being Still is not the same as being stagnant. 'God help me' i whispered, out loud. Walked into the room again. 'err mummy daddy, i need to tell you something.....' and for once after so long, i felt some confidence in me. Even now, as i tear and think back, im still trembling, even though i wasnt when i was in there. God Helped Me, even though ive been bad. I know. Ive thought about it and i knew i had to do something. Im turning 20 this year, and its a new decade too- 2011 i have to stop being a failure. and its got to be now. xx Rachel |
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Thursday, January 13, 2011 @ 1:22 AM
2011
Never really gotten down to thinking what i'd like to achieve in 2011
i just realised. 2011, i'll reach the big 2-0 i feel almost guilty when i say 'the past 20 years of my life..' oh heck. thats long. 2 decades are *snap gone like that. Is it okay if i feel a little scared? God bless my little heart but if i live to 90 (generally speaking) thats only another 7 decades. which is 3x +1 what what ive already lived. if that makes sense to you. I cant believe im not a teenager anymore oh all the things i wanted to achieve. You know for this new decade, new step into adulthood, i know what i want now..... and dont blame me for not taking the traditional route, i dont belong here. dont drown me in your lousy speeches which i know in the back of my head, about a good education, an ideal job, or a 'good' future. there is nothing satisfying about doing what you dont love, even if you earn a 6 digit income a month. because you slog it out 17 hours a day at the workplace, and another 3 at home, and youve got no Love, no Laugh, no Life. i cant do that. i'd rather sell coconuts and suntan lotion on a beach in burra burra (no such place) but enjoy life and its every moments. i feel trapped in this society for numbheads. and i dont know how the others do it. i really cant. now why again was i born in some rat-race country? Dear God, i feel like a joke, no joke. xx Rachel |
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Wednesday, January 12, 2011 @ 1:50 PM
BABY NAMES
DECIDING ON BABY NAMES.
NOT FOR MYSELF. HAHAHAHA anyway, just got off the phone. T having her baby in 3 months, and still havent thought of a name for him yet! SIGH EVERYONE IS GROWING UP SO FAST!!!! its quite scary. really. xx Rachel |
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Friday, January 7, 2011 @ 12:12 PM
dreams
My dream is to...
you would know, if you know me. not just know. but KNOW me. here, alot of you will say: to open an arts school. yeah thats part of my dream, thats what i tell people even when they dont ask. why didnt you ask about my dreams? People want to know they're dreams can be a reality. They want support. They want encouragement. why has humanity become to superficial and where has the heart for relationships gone to? if i've just met you, you know i'll definitely ask somewhere in my 1st conversation, 'oh... so what do you want to be in the future/what are your dreams' right after i ask 'what are you doing now?' because i know i'd want others to be interested in mine too. xx Rachel |